Menoplausible. Erf.

About four months ago I noticed something alarming.

My period was late.

Now since the crazy-ass fluke that we call Bo happened, we decided in a fit of hysterics that I should be on birth control (hear the psycho in that?) and so I went on Camila, a birth control pill that is ideal for nursing but apparently doesn't protect against pregnancy as well as some of the heavier dose pills. Whatever, it was good enough, since we DID go SEVEN years without a single pregnancy and my FSH was around a million when we stopped treatments. That alone should be ample birth control, but Random was spooked enough by Bo's unicorn-like existence (both of us marveling-- was something magically "fixed" now? Was my body feeling particularly eggy all of a sudden? Were the sperm no longer two-headed beasties?) that we could get pregnant AGAIN if we didn't watch out. We had just recently bought a modest 2000 square foot home in an uber-expensive area (outside NYC) that cost us a ridiculous amount of money and the mortgage payments were unreal (they still are. We still gasp every time we see them, and now our house is worth less). So the basic synopsis is this: we would, in an ideal world, like to have another child. We cannot afford another child, and we really don't have the physical space for another child. Therefore, we will prevent any possibility of another child, no matter how small.

So getting back to the original story: my period was late.

I vaguely remembered skipping a pill or two, because when you have two small children, remembering to take a pill every night is a hassle. A mixture of panic and raw excitement surged through me as I peed on a First Response HPT.

It was negative. It didn't surprise me, but yet I was a little flummoxed (love the word "flummoxed"!); my period had been like clockwork ever since going off hormones, and it had resumed 10 months into nursing, back to its old clockworkian ways. The only time I had been this late, I was pregnant.

In the next few days, I took a number of tests, all negative. I couldn't figure it out. The only thing I could guess was that I was starting menopause. That, coupled with my 39th birthday, was sending me into a gloomy pit of self-pity filled with laughing nubile young women full of fertile hope and non-saggy boobs all pointing at me. At about eleven days late, I called my OB/GYN. I went in for tests, including a pregnancy test.

"Well, you're not pregnant," the nurse called me back a day or two later. "But your thyroid is pretty low. It could be that." Then she told me that I had ovulated, but recently, and could expect my period in about ten days. (This would have put me at about 24 days late, almost an entire cycle).

I went to my thyroid doc, who reviewed the results and upped my Synthroid. He didn't know if my thyroid would cause such a late period, but he was open to the possibility.

A few months went by. My period returned, back to its comfy old self, on time and ready to go. Thoughts of menopause flew gaily out the door and I attributed it all to my thyroid.

And then July happened.

My last period was July 3. It's now August 9, and I've stopped counting how many days late I am. I've taken three tests, all negative. There is no sign of my period except for my incredible ongoing bad mood (I told my husband: It's like PMS but constantly--like it's all built up there waiting but not coming out). My thyroid doc called me last week with good news--my levels are stable and looking good. So my convenient excuse is no longer there.

I could be going through menopause. Right??! And: Fuck.

Or---and this is what I'm now trying to convince myself is happening--it's my continued nursing that's screwing up my cycle. I'm actually nursing more than I was during the year, as Bo likes to nurse for hours in the morning if she can (she is not on board with weaning attempts. Weaning attemps can go eff themselves). The last time I was late (four months or so ago), was right around a work vacation, so I was probably nursing more then too. Maybe? Maybe my nursing is messing with things?

It's plausible, right?

Anyway, I've bought this First Response Fertility Check-er thinger. It's supposed to measure your FSH and tell you whether you can have a baby. I felt ridiculous buying it, but I'm curious. If I really am starting menopause, I would guess that it would tell me I have suck ass chances of getting pregnant.

I know it's crazy, but I don't want to be going through menopause. Even if we are never going to have another kid by choice, the whole mid-life thing is starting to get frighteningly close. I googled "what age is middle age" the other day, and searched until I found a site that said "45-65." Just so it doesn't officially start with my next birthday. My husband told me he thinks I am having a mid-life crisis, and he's right. I haven't bought any sports cars yet, but I've got about four hundred pairs of leggings.

As soon as my period starts, I'm going to measure my FSH and post whatever answer it gives me. In the meantime, if anyone has any similar experiences--either to commiserate or educate--I'd love to hear them. I thought I was done with worrying about my nethers. Ha! They will never allow me that luxury.

Comments

[tiah]

Women's bodies are so damn complex - yes? I keep thinking I know what's going on and things shift, yet again. Sounds like you have so many variable that, goodness. That said, I don't blame you. More I learn about menopause, which should be this liberating experience (No more PMS! No more cramps!) the more it seems like life's one last cruel joke. Frigg'in heck.

[Liv]

I would ask when the women on your side of the family started menopause. If they did in their 40's, then it's possible that, combined with a wonky reproductive system, you could be starting early. If I'm not mistaken, I think there is a hormone test that can be done to see if you are pre- or menopausal. And don't forget, the menopause process can take years.

But, you could also have a point with the increased nursing.

[Steph]

I have zero medical knowledge on the subject, but my periods were hyper regular (almost to the hour)from age 13 to 35, and then all of a sudden, I'd be a few days late, have a little spotting, have a heavy period, then a light period. Weirdness. Everything checks out alright under the hood (heh), so maybe it's just an age thing? I found myself similarly googling, with no real answers to be found other then women's bodies are complex and somewhat unpredictable. Tell me something I didn't know.

[Sami]

It's very plausible. My periods are wonky since I'm still nursing. Especially when the little one starts nursing more. Don't worry I'm not trying to blow smoke your way. I think it has to do with the increased prolactin, but I could be wrong.

[Andrea]

Perimenopause can start in your thirties and last for up to 10 years. I'm 37 and have noticed my periods are getting just a little wonky upon occasion - I'm attributing it to my reproductive system just starting to change a bit. I have a lot of friends in their early 40's who have been dealing with perimenopause for quite some time now. That's what I tend to chalk it up to since everything else checks out.

[Sparky]

Not sure about the nursing thing but I have some experience with menopause. I started perimenopause in my early forties and it lasted almost ten years with symptoms being missed periods, change in flow (some months heavy some months almost non existent)and of course I was a bitch on wheels a lot of the time. The hot flashes and mood swings didn't really start until I turned fifty and for me they live up to their reputation and suck big time. According to my doc your not in menopause until you have gone a whole year without having a period so I guess I have 3 more months to go.

[Betty M]

I would vote for breastfeeding mucking you about or your body thinking about the possibility of perimenopause. I don't think one or two wonky periods automatically equals perimenopause but I expect some docs take one look at a woman nearing/past 40 and assume that is what it is.

[Stephanie]

I vote nursing as well :-). My baby is 3 months old today, and I just had the weirdest non period- PMS lasting weeks, but no real flow. Now with my first my period came right at 3 months...I'm guessing it just must be the nursing.

[Carol]

Nursing obviously can mess with your cycle. I've never been on thyroid meds, but I know thyroid hormones are intimately tied to reproductive hormones. And then there's that birth control pill you're taking. I'm pretty sure that these are 3 big things that can mess with your cycle (but don't quote me because I'm a software trainer, not an RE).

I seem to remember that prolactin (nursing hormone) supresses FSH artificially. As do, of course, birth control pills. I think the only way you can have a reliable FSH reading is to go off the pill and also wean, and then get your FSH tested on Day 3 of a normal cycle.

[Veronica]

Actually, I'm having the same thing happen now. Cycles are anywhere between 40-50 days long, despite having a perfectly normal 28 day cycle forever.

Of course, I'm pretty sure mine isn't menopause, but with my fucked up body, you never know.

[sweetcoalminer]

I'm 37, and, like Steph, have had wonky periods since 35, which I considered the harbinger of menopause - reasonable since I started my period when I was 9.

Some are long, some are short, some are heavy, some are super-light, and some double me over in pain. I figured the end of fertility was near or here, so maybe we were just *a little* less than perfect on the "careful" front.

Like you, we can't afford another child, but we live in a <900 ft2 apt since I quit my job to stay home with our two kids.

So one wonky period dragged on and on and on, which has happened before. But I woke up one morning in a cold sweat, not remembering the date of my LMP, and my FRED was a +. It happens.

[Chickenpig]

It probably is the nursing. I had my last baby at 38, and it took forever for my periods to get back to normal. I'm going to be 40 next week, and last month my period was early. Go figure.

It wouldn't hurt to have an US of your equipment, if your period continues to be wonky. I went through a couple of years dealing with late periods, skipped periods, heavy periods that turned out to be a massive fibroid. After your 35th birthday they become common, and they can mess up your periods something wicked.

[Carol]

Sweetcoalminer: The age at which you start your period has nothing to do with how early you go into menopause. You lose eggs each month from birth whether or not you're ovulating any. It's called attreisa? Attrition? Something like that.

[Misty]

I would say it's definitely the breastfeeding. I breastfed each child 3+ years and cycles were up and down the whole time. Once weaning was done they took about 6 months to become regular again.

[Melissa]

I just turned 37 and in the last 6 months things have gone completely wonky which I'm trying to stay on top of since my mother had an emergency hysterectomy at 39. It totally sucks when suddenly you have no idea what to expect.

[janice]

Same thing happened/is happening with me. I have to go and have a polyp removed from my uterus. Go have a wand-y ultrasound and relive the good old days. I loved how tentative and apologising the staff were about the procedure. Don't worry ladies, me and the wand go back a long ways!

[carole]

I think it's an age thing but not necessarily the actual start of the menopause. I had extremely regular cycles until my mid 30s when I suddenly started having the occasion "odd" one with a very late period. The next few years were complicated with TTC, fertility treatments and then a suprise pregnancy, but now I'm in my early 40s and as far as I can tell, the menopause is still to hit.

[NakedOvary]

Thanks Ladies. Still no period, so I think I'm actually in a new cycle now--might even have ovulated yesterday. I'm definitely going to make an appt. with my doc.

[Kristin]

Hope you get some answers soon.

[Mary]

No period since March and you described the constant PMS feelings very well. At least before, I'd calm down after I had a period. A hot-flashing, pudgy bitch on wheels most of the time now. Yippee!

[Mommy]

I just returned home from an evening at a friend's house. While there, I suddenly felt I had swallowed an iron while it was still on because the heat radiating from inside me was incredible. If this was my first hot flash, I am tapping out now. I don't think I can handle menopause.
I am suspecting it is getting closer and closer because my periods are so wonky. My husband and I had been trying to for number two for four years. The first one took five years. I believe hot flashes and mood swings will be my new future as opposed to diapers and baby talk. I don't mind, I am more upset about the hot flashes.
I hope everything is answered for you soon.

[Mary]

Oh yeah, I'm also going blind. Not that it has to do with hormones, but I can just barely read your tiny, very light text. Going to pot, I tell you!

[Diane]

Age related. I had wonky cycles (short 10 days, then long, 40-50) starting around 38-39 and prior to that time, you could set a clock by them. Doctor said it was perimenopause.

[brenna]

It is definitely the nursing. Even if things were like clockwork for a while, nursing causes weird hormone fluctuations on a 24 HOUR basis, not just a 28 DAY one. I had several friends start their periods, clip right along, then go all wonky for a few months. Where pregnancy, nursing, and children are involved: if it is happening, it is normal.
PS- I weaned my youngest in March, right before her second birthday. She is still sad and obsessed with my boobs. I wish I'd stuck it out and gone on her schedule. It might be driving you crazy now, but you will be sad when she weans. Give her a snuggle from me. :-)

[hydrogeek]

I just discovered you are writing again! YAY! I vote nursing, since it always screwed with my cycles, but I think my mom started getting wonky cycles around that age that persisted through most of her 40's before she actually was on the other side of menopause. I'm so glad to read you again, and those girls are really TOO precious!