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September 02, 2008

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Anne

OK, maybe this is a really ignorant question, but can Random do the drop-off?

1. Oh my god, I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
2. I have had my daughter in center-based care since she was 7 weeks old (4-1 ratio of babies to caregivers) and have been very happy with it most of the time.
3. However, I have friends who have used a nanny and they have also been happy with their choice.
4. You could try the nanny first and see if that works out, and if not, use Tutor Time as a back up (do they have a waitlist?)

Good luck, take deep breaths.

Cherith

Oh geez I cannot BELIEVE they are telling you this on such short notice! I am SO SORRY!

My vote would be the stay at home, cleaning nanny as that is what I have. I like the idea of my kids being in their home environment. But then again, I work (teach) from home so I can keep an eye on things. Totally different situation for you. And MP is also used to being with the other kids, she might be bored at home.

I have no idea what to say because you are being force to make a REALLY fast choice and that is an AWFUL place to be when you are talking about the care of your children.

Is Tutor Time a good place? Do you know a lot about it? Aren't you a teacher? Is there ANY room for a little morning slack? Just 10 extra minutes to allow you a decent chance to get to work?

IF you go with the nanny, do what I did. Some people will think this is awful but I don't care. I took a few days off and "spied" on the nanny. I was not willing to leave my child alone with her until I was SURE she was to be trusted. So I spied. And I followed her around. And yes I am a little bit crazy but when it comes to my child's safety I really don't care.

I am not helpful at all but wanted to say how much I feel your pain.

shell

First: Take a deep breath.

Second: I am reasonably certain - well, as certain as one can be without having met either you or your daughter - that Chloe ate 11 ounces because she was comfort sucking and was thus overfed. Breastfed babies comfort suck at the breast and don't actually get milk at that time. Totally different story with the bottle. She will get used to it. You're making enough milk. Say that aloud "I'm making enough milk." I think 80% of breastfeeding supply is mental. If you think you can do it and you think you will succeed then you will.

Third: I would go with the nanny while I scoped out the bigger place. You can't just up and move MP without some warning for her. Check out the nanny for the very short term. If you like what she is doing you can move only MP when she is ready and add Chloe when she is a bit older. If you're not her greatest fan you can move both girls when MP is ready to make the change.

Again, big, deep breaths. It will all work out.

shell

First: Deep breaths. Take deep breaths.

Second: Repeat after me "I am making enough milk. I am making enough milk. I am making enough milk." I firmly believe that a huge part of breastfeeding is having confidence in your milk supply. Think you are failing and you will. Think you are succeeding and you will. I think Chloe was probably comfort sucking and thus she ate more than she needed. Breastfed babies don't actually get milk when they are comfort sucking at the breast. Different story with the bottle. When she settles into her new routine her intake will settle back down as well.

Third: You asked, so I would get the nanny on board as fast as possible. You can't uproot MP without first priming her that it is going to happen. So get the nanny on board - and have your house clean! - while you investigate the other program. If it looks good switch MP when she's ready. If you love your nanny at that point then only send MP. If you aren't her greatest fan then send both girls.

In meantime remember to breath. This is going to work out.

Sarah

I don't know what state you live in, but I found an agency in Illinois (Illinois Action for Children - http://www.actforchildren.org/ ) that I called and I got a list of state-licensed daycare & homecare providers. You request by zip codes, pay a nominal fee based on your income, and then they send you a detailed list in the mail. I have been going to various homecare sites in my area to interview the providers. Maybe your state offers a service like this, which has been so amazing. I would have never found these people otherwise. Since the providers are state-licensed, if I have a problem with them in the future, I could report it to the state.

Good luck! I hope the center gave you a couple weeks notice (isn't two weeks standard?) -- that's common courtesy considering you have to find another situation. Ug.

shirky

is it weird for the daycare lady to make a decision based on one day? seems like both she and the kid might adjust given some time.

Jenny

We had a nanny for my twins when things just got out of control. I agree, you need to spy on the nanny. But it made me feel better that my girls were in their home environment. Good luck. Keep looking though, cause something might come up better later....

Lila

Dear Karen, I'd take the nanny and install some cameras you can watch from work via Internet, if this is legal in your country. Once Chloe is over the very needy stage (it will happen, believe me!), you can think of other choices. But having her in the environment of home may be nice. And having your house cleaned, too! Young children have no problems with different languages, my own children grew up with three different languages and it was easier for them than for us.

Trust your guts. Is the woman really nice, or do you only want to think she is? If she is, I wouldn't give too much weight to where she comes from etc. I'm all for multi-cultural ;-)

Mom24@4evermom

I have been a home daycare provider and I would listen to yours, especially since you say you've liked her for a long time. Some babies are just needier than others. Chloe may be one of those. If that's true, you don't want to put her in a center--she will not get the attention that she needs.

You probably don't want to hear this, and I truly mean no judgement at all, but since you asked what I would do? I would quit and stay home and give her and Chloe your attention. I would (and have) live off credit cards, home equity loans whatever I had to do to do it. Financially we are not in the greatest shape compared to a lot of people, but I wouldn't trade my kids, and the relationships I have with my kids for anything in this world.

Good luck to you. I truly empathize with how difficult this can be.

Erin

So the in-home daycare provider watched Chloe for ONE day and decided she was too much work?? I'm so sorry. Is she giving you any time at all to come up with other care?

I have my son in a daycare center and have since he was 12 weeks old. We've been happy with the care he receives there (4:1 ratio for infants moving to 5:1 for the one year old room).

I'd advise that you do what you have to in the short-term and continue investigating your options. How much experience does the nanny have as far as child care? The not driving nanny doesn't worry me too much as daycare wouldn't transport the baby if she was sick either (unless by ambulance which the nanny could do). They would call you to come pick her up. Not having any chit chat time is HARD. There are days you need to let them know how the baby (and MP) is doing.

Mom24@4evermom

I have been a home daycare provider. If yours is telling you she's a needy baby, listen. You say you think highly of her. Some babies are just more needy than others, and Chloe may be one of them. Do not put her in a center, she will not get the attention she deserves.

You probably don't want to hear this, and I truly say it without judgement, but you asked! If I were you, I would quit and stay home and take care of both of them. I would (and I have) live off credit cards, home equity loans, whatever I had to do to be able to stay home with my children.

We are not in the most enviable financial position, but I wouldn't trade the relationship I have with my kids, or who my kids are, for literally any thing in the world.

Good luck. I truly do sympathize.

Woody's Girl

Having been a live-in nanny, I know that this option *can* be wonderful. Trick is to find the RIGHT nanny for your family. Since becoming a mother, I've always been a SAHM, so no word of advice from the working-mom standpoing, though I can appreciate your dilemma.

Perhaps this (very frustrating! and stressful!) situation is the impetus you need to get MP into a different environment? It sounds like she's a very bright little girl... perhaps Tutor Time (at least for MP?) could be a blessing in disguise?

How about a compromise on the solution. Move MP into Tutor Time - which surely would make you higher up on the chain if you eventually needed a spot for Chloe? - and ALSO hire the nanny for Chloe at home (at least for the time being). That way, if the nanny doesn't work out, you will have a working knowledge (no pun intended) of what Tutor Time is like.

Good luck! And bear today's unexpected stress in mind for tomorrow, in case you have milk supply issues - this certainly could be the culprit!

Beth

I would do Tutor Time. I would just feel more comfortable with my tiny baby in a group situation than home alone with a stranger.

How stressful for you! Hope the situation resolves itself soon.

Veronica

No ideas, but I just wanted to say good luck with it. What a nightmare for you.

tracey

I'm with Shell in that you should try the nanny situation while still investigating other places. I went through 2 in-home daycares with my eldest in his first 15 months. When the second woman quit, I ended up quitting myself. I couldn't take the heartache of finding yet ANOTHER person to trust.

Sarah V.

What an absolute nightmare for you to be faced with on your return to work. It *will* get better, I promise, but right now it must be so tough.

A situation where Chloe could get one-on-one care and MP could stay with the daycare she knows and loves would *definitely* be the best as long as the nanny is a decent one. That's the rub, isn't it? Trying to figure out (and on SUCH short notice) whether she is or isn't. But, you know, you'll have the same problem sending them to Tutor Time - you don't know the people there either, you would still have to take some things on trust, and you wouldn't have the advantage of one-on-one care for Chloe and familiarity for MP. So I would aim for the nanny if at all possible.

The advice I've always heard about finding nannies is - speak to the references personally, urge them to be honest with you, listen to any reservations in their tone as well as to what they say, and, of course, get as much of a picture as you can from the nanny. And, at the end of the day, go with your gut instinct as to whether you're OK with this person or not. Can Random get a few days off to spend at home with her while she takes care of Chloe, to see what she's really like?

With regard to the practicalities: Set aside some money to pay for taxis in an emergency situation. And, yes, she might get sick, but surely that's true of your current provider as well? Yes, it's scary thinking about all the things that might go wrong, but it's important to remember that childcare does go *right* the vast majority of the time and that your workplace can suck it up and deal with the occasional times that problems happen.

zerch

I'd try the nanny ...

Melissa

Hi there! Wow, this an absolutely tough, tough situation.

I have to admit that I don't breastfeed Nate anymore and never did in the conventional sense of the word - I was pumping only for the first 5 months of his life and sending bottles into daycare. He was and still is voracious at 8 months. What I have found works for me is giving him two "meals" of mushed food - he gets one at daycare at 8 in the morning and one at home at like 5 at night and we have found that this is helpful.

The in home care is also sounding pretty darn good right now, IMO. Does your state allow for nanny cams? Also, random check ins. Some states also allow for criminal background checks for something like this - so I would look into it.

Shannon

Okay,I am a former nanny and childcare worker for over 10 years.First basing it on one day is really ridiculous.I want to mention I never kept any children in home or daycare above 1 yr old.Babies have to get used to a routine and they will.In my experience babies weere always easier to ahndle at the sitters or center than at home.I know MP loves this woman but a more structured enviroment would be good.I think two different places would bother me but that's just me.As for the nanny I would opt for a daycare center.Tutor time is well known.Are there any kidsrkids around you?I know they ahve internet access to see your kids through the day that I used with my first child.I alwyas liked centers better than home care because there are others around to monitor care,but I am crazy that way.Serously basing her decision on one day is unprofessional at the least.I think you might want to move on.Good luck!

Tanya

I say go for the nanny, and you can install those cameras in the house. Clean house, one on one time for Chloe. Win win situation. In a daycare setting, she would have to "wait her turn" whereas with one on one, her needs are the only needs to be met.

I'm so sorry!! I hope you find a good and quick resolution!

Jan

>> I am reasonably certain - well, as certain as one can be without having met either you or your daughter - that Chloe ate 11 ounces because she was comfort sucking and was thus overfed.<<

This was my first thought, too. Certain types of caregivers (my experience was with a grandma-type in church nursery) think that if the baby cries and will then suck on a bottle, the baby MUST have been hungry.

Where I live, Volunteers of America will provide a list of licensed child care providers sorted by various needs (takes infants, early open time, location, etc). You just have to call. Don't know if they have that where you are.

If I were you, I'd consider finding a nanny to watch both kids in your home, plus maybe a 2 or 3 day a week preschool program for MP. Lots of churches and community centers have relatively inexpensive preschools; you might even be able to find something in walking distance. (Don't know where you stand on this, but church preschool is generally VERY not-churchy. Like maybe they say grace before snack or learn some bible stories, but no do-you-take-jesus-christ-as-your-personal-savior or anything.)

Add me to the list of people that's thinking your current care provider isn't acting very professionally. Infants have to be held to be comforted, hello!

That said, my completely unsolicited assvice is that it would probably be good for Chloe to be on some sort of regular schedule. It really makes the caregiver's life easier. Which leaves her more time and energy to scrub your toilet and mop your kitchen floor. :)

Lynn

I am sorry. I can't even think realistically what I would do. Advantages to both. Convenience for the nanny (if she IS indeed, recommended) but you are right about her getting sick. We have that with MY gmom who watches my youngest - when she is sick, we have to stay home. Plus, at home, Chloe is less likely to get the "center" type of germs. Having said that, though, there are advantages to getting the germs young. Plus in a daycare situation, there are lots of other role models. I am sorry that I am of no help and I am even MORE sorry (if that makes sense) that the place said that today. I am SHOCKED. I think it's terrible that they said that but I think it's BEST that they were so honest since they clearly can't handle Chloe. But seriously, SHE IS A NEWBORN! They ARE needy! Again, I think it's best that she gets out of there and gets someone who wants to cuddle with her all of the time!
GOOD LUCK!

Liz

Hi Karen--I've never commented before but I've been following your story for years and am so totally thrilled for how everything has played out for you.

I know every center is different, but I had my son at a Tutor Time here in Los Angeles starting at 9 months. We were really, really happy with the quality of care we got there, especially when he was an infant. I felt secure knowing that the teacher/child ratio was small and that the teachers there were certified up the wazoo and trained in every sort of safety/rescue program imaginable. We were encouraged to call and check in as many times a day as we wanted (many, many times a day at the beginning for me) and they cheerfully accommodated all of my organic only, special milk, special snacks OMG don't give him sugar craziness. They also totally loved my son and I always knew he was getting the hugs and kisses he needed throughout the day.

Wow, I sound like a Tutor Time commercial.

Jan

Oh, and one other bit about having an in-your-home person. Yeah, you're out of luck if SHE gets sick, but usually she'll still come if your KID is sick, so I found it balances out. If anything, I'm out more now that my kids are in a licensed place than I was when they were home with a nanny. YMMV, obviously.

Lisa

I had my son with a caregiver in her home near my work, which allowed me to go nurse at recess and lunchtime. If that hadn't been an option, I would have had a nanny. Having him in a family environment and not around loads of buggy kids was important to me.

Perhaps you can use MP's DCP as a back-up, in case the nanny calls in sick or has transportation inssues.

We did change to a nanny when he started preschool so that she could take him to school and I could pick him up. It was nice having the house tidy and his laundry done when we returned home in the afternoon.

Em

I know it sucks that she gave you such short notice but I would actually be glad she came out and told me rather than give substandard care (substandard isn't the right word - less than Cloe needs is what I mean).

I think, since the option is there to give both Chloe and MP exactly what they need right now, I would do the nanny and leave MP at the day care. Things will change quickly in terms of Chloe's neediness, reevaluate in a couple of months and use the time to find just the right situation - maybe Tutor Time, maybe something else.

Marie

Wow. Is this common with childcare providers? To give the baby/kid 6 hours to get used to the new situation or they are out? I mean if it were a week or two weeks of a very demanding, temperamental baby, then yea explore other options... Six? Hours?

And I really don't like the way she refers to the other 9 mo olds either. Just stick em in a pack n play and forget about them! Chloe requires interaction! What a chore!!!!

Carol

That is really farking annoying that they waited until your first day back at work to decide that Chloe can't come there. WTF? Did they not know she was a small infant?

Both of those other options sound good, and hooray, you have options!! But geez, how much stress does one gal need in a day? I'm so sorry I have no advice, just wanted to say I'll be thinking good thoughts for you from cyberspace.....

Carol

Oh, and I don't suppose one of your or Random's lovely parents could move in for 2 weeks and do child care while you consider your options so that you don't have to make a hurried choice? I don't know where they live, but maybe?

zenoma

I am piping up because I've recently been caught in your same dilemma. It's excruciating.

What was right for me: One on one care for my baby. It was the only thing I could stomach. It hurt so bad to think of my baby "needy" in the pack-n-play, etc.

What is right for you: Trust your gut in the end. Your insticts will point you in the right direction of what is right for you and your girls.

Maybe the daycare where MP is has "drop-in" care. This way, if the nanny had to call off, you could have Chloe "drop-in". The older she gets, she may be less "needy".

If a nanny wasn't an option. I'd keep the girls together (if it were ME).

You are awesome at pumping and nurturing BOTH your girls. Keep telling yourself that lest you forget! You are doing everything you possibly can. Promise.

Warm wishes.

kathleen999

We have had a nanny and we currently have our boys in a midtown NYC TutorTime at 6th and 27th Street. I think you mentioned that you are in New York, but I don't know if you are in the city or elsewhere. Anyway, I believe our owner (they are a franchise) has 3 centers in NYC, two in Manhattan and one in Queens.

Our nanny was great, but she kind of wanted to keep our boys babies. We finally had to make the decision to send them to preschool at TutorTime when they were 3, and we agonized over it. But they needed more than the nanny could give. And TutorTime has been absolutely great for them. They get a ton of stimulation via music, art, and all kinds of educational activities. The teachers are wonderful...so kind and caring. One of my sons dealt well with the transition and one did not. Luckily he latched onto one of the teachers and called her "Mrs. Mom" and she would hold him whenever he was upset. He finally got used to preschool, and all the teachers really helped.

So they weren't there as infants, but I pass by the most of the infant through toddler age classes on my way to my boys' class, and I see very happy babies having fun and loving their teachers. I really like the owner and the woman who runs it. Once I had a concern about a teacher (she was not very positive toward the kids and also said some things about diaper changes to the kids--in front of me! what did she say when I wasn't there!-- that might have made them feel bad and when I mentioned it to the director, she immediately addressed it without outing me and when the teacher didn't improve enough, they let her go. So I have full confidence that all the teachers there are really great.

If more info would help you, please feel free to email me. Oh, and I agree...if Random can help with the dropoff, maybe he could actually take them later in the morning and you could pick them up. My husband and I share dropoff and pickup based on our schedules. Good luck!

Tavia

We had this exact same problem when I went back to work. After two days of screaming, my daughter got "fired" from her daycare for needing too much attention and I was left without a lot of options. We decided to go the big chain center route (Kindercare) and while I was scared that it would be a little too impersonal, it ended up working well. There was enough staff that someone was able to hold her all of the time until she got used to being away from us. I'm sorry you're stuck in the same sucky situation, I hope you find something that works for you.

stephanie Moazami

I'm in utter shock that your childcare provider has quit on you with no notice and for such a lame reason. Chloe isn't nine months old, of course she needs to be held. I'm sorry I don't have any helpful tips for finding someone you feel comfortable with other than saying trust your instincts. If you get an uncomfortable vibe at all from a person you are considering as a childcare provider, then eliminate that person from the running, pronto. Again, I'm sorry this happened. I hope you find a solution that everyone can be comfortable with.

Amanda

OK. So sorry you have to deal with this.

But GO WITH THE NANNY. I can't say it enough. We recently made the switch and although it's very pricey, it is SO WELL WORTH IT. Really. Can you ask Chloe's sitter to watch him if the nanny calls off?

spacemom

Tough call.

1) I can't believe your daycare person said this with one day under the bridge!
2) Both of my girls were in a center from infant stage on. My second, Luna, needed someone to touch her back to fall asleep. The staff did that, in both places she went to. I never felt that she was being ignored by the staff.
3) how does MP deal with change? It is a nightmare to take kids to two different places (trust me on this) So you will most likely need to change her to either home or a center.... How much change can she take? Can you move Chloe first and then MP?

I would personally vote for the center. I would not be comfortable with a nanny, that is just me...

Julie

As a Canadian, it just boggles me that you have to go back to work this quickly. This being said, we opted for a nanny and it's worked out great for us. She's very reliable and loving. My kids are older though so it's easier to leave them at home with someone as they're old enough to tell me all about their day. If you do choose the nanny route, I'd try to be sure that either you, family or friends can pop in unannounced to check in on things. I have many friends who have nannies and it's worked out wonderfully well, and many others who use daycare with equal success. I'm sure you'll figure out what's right for your family and that all will work out!

Shelly

Wow! What a rough first day. I just started my son (one week younger than Chloe) in daycare two weeks ago. We love the center and chose it for our first son because I was really uncomfortable with a stranger in our house alone with the baby. But it just depends if you can find someone you trust. Infants don't need a lot of outings, so the not driving would not be an issue and Chloe could learn another language. The nanny might get sick, but Chloe could stay with her when Chloe is sick, where as a center would not allow her if she has a fever. Generally babies are sick more than nannies and you have to have an emergency plan either way. A clean house is a big plus.

11 oz in 5 hours is definitely comfort sucking. My little guy eats 11-15 oz in 8 hours. I'm guessing because he takes 2-3 4 oz bottles and then I nurse him once at lunch, so I don't know how much he eats then. I have worked on a 2 hour routine with DS. Eat, play, sleep. If he is fussy within 50 minutes of starting to eat, he generally has gas, if more than 45 minutes after he wakes up he is probably tired. I gently stressed this to the teachers and they do a good job of helping him nap before feeding him again. I also have some back up formula for him and they know that he will only drink it if he is really hungry. That's one way to test him. Does she take a pacifier? Sometimes it can be comforting for they and eliminates the comfort sucking. Babies do need holding, so an in-home care could be tough since the ages of kids are more varied than at a center.

I would lean toward the nanny if you trust her and then move her to a center when she is older (1 year?). Even little kiddos get stressed. A new boy just started in our daycare infant room today and he was really stressed when I was there at lunch. I think it was a little rash of her to decide this after one day. Sorry for all the stress.

Cory

Oh Karen, I so, SO feel your pain. And I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

Since I had my second son (just over two years ago) I became a SAHM, and provide home-daycare to other families. And I am not licenced. I know you don't know me, but I can assure you I have a clean house, and I take excellent care of the kids I watch, and because I only have a few here, I can give them all the attention they need.

I tell you this only because looking at non-licenced child care providers could be an option for you. You don't necessarily have to get hung up on a daycare provider being licenced...it don't mean you are going to get better care for your kids. In fact, sometimes it's a little cozier, because it's less run like a business, and more like a friend watching a friend's kid. (my older son also went to non-licenced home daycare providers)

Also: I currently watch a 1-year old that I've had since he was 2mos old...the whole time his older brother went to a pre-school type daycare center. So it's not uncommon at all to split up siblings. Don't fret about that part too much. :)

a fellow teacher

I feel your pain. Because we start school in early August here in the midwest, I started leaving my 6 month old at daycare full time almost three weeks ago, and it nearly broke my heart. Pumping is hard as a teacher, no question, and I am obsessed with not leaking in front of my middle school students since I know some of my boys might never recover. And my baby is so much older than mine. Oh, Karen, I. FEEL. FOR. YOU.

The good news is that I'm (just barely) making enough milk so that we haven't had to supplement with formula (yet) -- but I still worry about every drop, every day. Every drop counts, yo. And no leaks! I'm doubling up bras, using breast pads, and wearing layers, which is a P.I.T.A. to be sure, but working.

But you need to know what to do TOMORROW about Chloe. I echo the prevailing sentiments above. I don't think you should move MP just now, because there's already so much upheaval and stress that adding another change could only create more. I know that it's risky to leave your baby with a stranger, but the in-home nanny/housekeeper is probably a decent emergency plan Z, at least just to avert the crisis RIGHT NOW. I'd suggest that you just plan to do that arrangement for one week -- one measely week -- so that you can catch your breath, learn your new students' names, get back into the school swing of things, establish a pumping routine, etc. Then after a week of EMERGENCY crisis management, take a look around and start assessing the options. After a week, you should have a better sense of whether the nanny has long-term potential. You also can scope out alternatives with a sense of urgency rather than CRISIS, CRISIS, CRISIS playing in the back of your head.

Good luck, Karen. I need to go pump, get ready for parent night tomorrow, and go to bed.
I'll be thinking of you.

Amy

Hmm peers into crystal ball and says: You've listed choices 2-4 but deliberatly left out #1. You're beating yourself up about it and for all the wrong reasons. Take a deep breath, stop overthinking it, stop letting guilt color everything. You'll know the right thing to do for your family.

moo

Our first nanny overfed my son too ... ALL the milk (for the whole day) before 12 noon. ANd then he threw up and she called me because he'd thrown up ... BECAUSE HE'D BEEN OVERFED. After about a month of this, we found someone else.

At least your DCP knows that it'll be too much for her. At least she won't just IGNORE Chloe and her needs.

I'd try the tutor time route (maybe Random can help out with drop offs if you have pick ups?) first ... just because it is too fast (for me) to just suddenly have a stranger come into my home. And it sounds like it makes you a little icky, too. And although it'll be an adjustment for MP, I'm sure she'll absolutely love the learning enrichment experience.

wavybrains

I'm thinking that the daycare provider pushed the milk because she didn't know what else to do. YOU ARE MAKING ENOUGH MILK. You both just need to adjust to this.

I'm seriously pissed at your daycare for springing this on you AFTER ONE DAY. I'm betting this was the longest you've left her right? So of course, she was needy! It'll be a rough few weeks for both of you. Sucks that the daycare doesn't seem to understand that. AT ALL.

What would I do? I'd look for a nanny to watch BOTH of them & send MP to preschool/play group 2x a week or so for socialization. I think you want to think about their sibling bond--being cared for together would really cement that bond, and would avoid any jealousy issues later on, and MP can speak enough to report back to you some things.

There are no easy answers here. I'm currently adjunct teaching and we're living month to month b/c we just can't stomach the idea of anything else, but you have to find your own right answer here. But, I'd start by looking for a way to replace the daycare for BOTH of them. Neither deserves to be with someone who gives up so easy--someone find that daycare lady a new line of work :)

Carla Hinkle

I prefer a nanny at home for very young infants. Heck, even for not so young infants, but for Chloe, I would vote nanny. It is normal for a baby her age to want to be held all the time. That is not something all daycares are prepared to deal. And, there is the germ factor ... anyway, just my 2 cents.

Jessica

I am sorry. That is a horrible way to return to work. I can only tell you what worked for us. My second baby would not drink from a bottle no matter what I/anyone did and he was very "needy/hungry". He had a place at the center where our older daughter went. A few weeks before I was suposed to return to work, I realized there was no way I could send him there. I started looking for a nanny and found someone pretty quickly. (I advertised in our church bulletin and in the local paper and did a background check.) I pulled M out of her day care and enrolled her in a local morning preshool for structure and our nanny watched both of them (and cleaned during naps!) for two years. I have a home office, so that is how I handled the feeding issue. Now the baby is 2.5 and just started a day care preschool and our big girl is starting school. The situation worked GREAT for us, and if we are lucky enough to have another baby, it is what I would do again.

Geohde

The cold horrors at the mere thought of care arrangements are what keeps me from contemplating more than a dabble back in the work arena. So sorry you're stuck.

J

Lawmommy

I am sorry if this sounds extremely ass-vicey, but, if Tutor Time is NAEYC accredited, go with them. If they are not NAEYC accredited, get on a waiting list for an accredited center and take the nanny temporarily.

You are making enough milk.

And it's incredibly crappy of your current daycare provider to tell you your baby is too needy after only one day, her FIRST day, in care.

Sarah

I got nuthin'. I'm still trying to get knocked up. However having read Naked Ovary and Cheek for as long as I could, I can't believe anyone would accuse you of favoritism! Yeesh!

Rachel Henry

My assvice ...

If the current place isn't willing to deal with a baby that wants to be held, I wouldn't really feel great about having my preschooler there. What if she wants attention? Great excuse to move MP.

If you are nervous about the nanny (which sounds freakin' ideal -- will she mind MP too??), invite her over for a meet-and-greet, or maybe have her watch the kids for an afternoon (go see a movie) and see how you feel about her.

The 10-minute morning dropoff sounds like signing up for unlimited servings of hell. I had a tight schedule with meet-the-bus and preschool pickup and it made me CRAZY. Wouldn't do it again for lover or money.

mandy

Karen,

Having just hired a nanny 6 months ago, I have a few suggestions. I do think it is the way to go. You can get out the door without having to drag a young baby out with you. She will get the attention she needs. But the truth is, you don't really know what goes on when you aren't there and it takes a while to get used to. We hired the first nanny we met. We loved her. Six months later, the kids love her, she loves the kids, I think she would kill someone if they tried to harm my kids and she has said, and I believe her, that someone would have to kill her if they tried to take them. That being said, she is a scatterbrained slob. She is a professional nanny and that means she only cleans up after the kids. But she does a very poor job of it. Makes me crazy, but she has us by the nuts. Are we going to fire her because she is a slob even though we have brought it to her attention many times? No.

So, my suggestion, write everything down that you want her to do and how you want her to do it. Make sure she agrees to everything. (I guess you will need translation). Don't hire someone that lives too far away (traffic = you late for work). Have her start time be 15 minutes before you have to leave. Cushion. Have her agree to babysit for you at least one evening per month. Must get out. And, my husband and I wish we had cameras just so we knew what was going on. Nanny tends to exaggerate. We don't think the babies sleep as long as she says, etc.

That is all I could think of for now. If you need any other assvice regarding a nanny, let me know.

P.S. I worked at home for 3 weeks before I left her alone all day with the kids. I wanted to get to know her first. Is there any way at all that you, Random, or mom and dad could be at home the first couple weeks just to observe her with Chloe?.People always say to call them when you need something. Well,you need some help. Time to call it in.

Lisa C

I was in in-home daycare provider for 12 years and I can't imagine turning away an infant based on one day. Then again, my state doesn't allow more two babies (under 24 months) in a home daycare. Maybe this woman's hands are literally full already.

I'd install nanny-cams and hire the nanny, and I'd investigate centers for MP. Not only because it could lead to a better option for Chloe if the nanny doesn't work out, but because it sounds like MP won't have all her needs met at the family daycare. I'm a big believer in family daycare, and it sounds like the operator is a good person who tries to do her best by the kids, or you wouldn't like her. But how many people is this one person trying to care for?

Or hey, maybe the daycare operator should hire the nanny. She could take care of Chloe and clean the daycare lady's house. :-)

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