Why It's Probably Good I'm Done Working Soon

I had an Important Meeting last week and was in my office getting ready. I still had to run to the bathroom, gather my stuff, and lug it to the car parked approximately half a mile from my office (I'm exaggerating, but at this point EVERYTHING feels like half a mile, even the bathroom, and I'm nowhere near cooked yet). I sneezed.

Just a normal, innocuous, l'il sneeze. No biggie.

Except I was wearing a skirt and nice suede boots.

And bad underwear--we're talking it had holes in it (yeah, we're at that point). Three holes. Ahermph. *Ducks head in shame*

And that normal, innocuous, l'il sneeze----weeeellllll, errrrrrrrrrmmmmm, I peed all over myself during that sneeze.

All over my suede boots, the floor of my office, the front of my skirt. Pee splashed everywhere. We aren't talking your I-laughed-so-hard-I-squirted-a-bit-o'-pee, we are talking I stood there, hands up, mouth agape, staring at my gushy incontinent self with a mix of shock and horror.

Then I waddled to the bathroom (yes, a half mile away) trying not to spread the pee (although I'm not sure how one does that) and cleaned my self up.

And that is why I am glad I am done with work soon. That and the fact that my ankles are swollen to the size of a small child's head. Perhaps the baby has dropped already?

***************

In other news, MP is becoming more hysterical daily. Here are some of her newest gems:

IN SUPERMARKET, MP HAS JUST FINISHED COOKIE TREAT AFTER PROMISING TO BE GOOD GIRL

Me: MP, you aren't being a good girl. Mama's going to take that cookie away.

MP: (Looking confused) But Mama, I finished the cookie already!

Me: I'm going to go in there (tickles belly) and get it!

MP: No Mama. (Completely serious) You won't fit in there!

IN KITCHEN, PUTTING AWAY DISHES, MP IS TALKING A MILE A MINUTE

Me: Wow, you sure are Ms. Chatterbox today.

MP: NO Mama! I miss YOU today! (She runs over and hugs my legs. Ach, my melty heart.)

MP IS TALKING WITH HER DADA

Dada: Can I bite your belly? Please? Just a little bite?

MP: NO!!!

Dada: What can I bite?

MP: You can bite.....errrmmmmm...my ear. Just a little bite! (offers ear lobe)

Dada: Okay, just a little bite. ("Bites" ear.)

MP: But you can't bite the other ear (indicates other ear, then whispers) Be VERY quiet! There's a baby asleep in there.

******************************

28 weeks (pregnant, not the horror movie). Things still look good. I am huge and exhausted and not sleeping and aching everywhere, but very, very happy.   

Comments

[Foster]

Im almost 36 weeks now and I will tell you that as soon as I started to feel bladder pressure like that, I tryed every time to make sure my legs were together or crossed when I sneezed. Works very very well. At this point, I wear a Poise pantyliner *just in case* as there have been times Ive been sitting or something and cannot get legs together in time. I hate pantyliners but these work great and are extrememly thin. Two thumbs up.

When are you done working? Im still working. You suck.

[Valerie]

I second the pantyliner. I am almost 31 weeks and will not leave my house without one on. I also cross my legs if I feel a sneeze coming on.

[Sparky]

Cripes Im not pregnant and I wear the Poise pantiliners. Get them, they work. I'm happy that you're happy.

[Carol]

Maya sounds like such a wonderful, sweet girl. You leave that cookie in her tummy!

[mom2one]

May we see that belly of yours Please!! Just one small little picture :P

[Sarah]

Earlier today I was wondering how you were doing. So glad I'm not the only one with pee'ing problem. Mine was just a little leak when I dry heaved but it was still embarrassing!

So happy to hear that you are huge and happy. That rocks! One little tiny trimester left. You can do it!

[tracey]

Oh Lordy, that little girl cracks me up!

And I feel for your suede boots... Hope you were able to sidle out of there without anyone noticing!

[Dani]

I'm sorry you pissed yourself! I pee myself a little bit when I laugh really hard and I'm not pregnant!

I can't believe you are already 28 weeks. I'm so excited for you and your family. Thanks for the update!

[Kristine]

Oh man, all I can say is start doing your Kegel exercises now, if you aren't already.

Four months after having baby and I'm still peeing myself with every cough and sneeze. Kinda wish I'd gone with the scheduled c-section.

[Andrea]

Bless your heart, that is embarrassing. I did/do that everytime I hurl, which when I'm pregnant, like I am right now, is a lot. I've taken to stuffing a giant wad of toilet paper in my skivvies when I get into the bathroom to hurl. So so sexy, me with my giantly stuffed underwear and my face ashen and puffy from throwing up. Makes my husband just want to make another one.

Thanks for sharing the MP funnies. Language development is so fun.

And do we get to see a picture of you pregnant? Even with with your bright pink face (the one you drew on one time, duh)?

[Geohde]

See, it's the public peeing I'm scared of....hasn't happened yet, but it sounds like it's pretty common.

J

[Carol in Iowa(now in Texas)]

I pee just because I'm so happy for you! Not a chance of that for me, but.....my babygirl came home with us in Nov. 2006! I pee all the time just saying my babygirl!!!! She'll be THREE in June. OT-how is Walter? I am so happy to find you again and wish you all the flutters and giddyness your heart can hold! My beauty just said "can't see wit k-yawns use bue ones"! Love her! Our best to you.

Carol (now in Texas)

[Sarah]

I totally feel your pain!!!

[Kristy]

Ahhhhh, I remember very well peeing when I sneezed. Good times, good times.

[Amalah]

Confession That I Have Never Told Another Soul: when I was about 30-odd weeks along, a coworker visited my office and made me laugh a little bit. Not like, a gasping crack-up or anything, just ha ha ha, that's a good one. And gush -- I peed all over my chair and my legs and the floor and oh my GOD.

And since I didn't know what else to do, I sat there and tried to pretend like nothing happened and continued talking to her for another 10 minutes or so before I could figure out how to end the conversation. Then I stole about seven rolls of paper towels from the kitchen and came to work the next day with a sponge and a bottle of antibacterial spray in my purse.

To this day I often think about that office chair and feel horribly guilty because SOMEONE IS PROBABLY STILL USING IT.

PS Hi!

[mandy]

What is better is a year down the line after the baby is here, you will sneeze and every once in a while your bladder will remind you that you carried a child and will give you a little squirt. Just on occasion. A little treat to look forward to. ;-)

[mortimer's mom]

I just read Amalah's post and thought: I know exactly what friend she is talking about!
BTW: i finally found the silver lining to infertility! There is no way this happens when you adopt from china!

[Moonwater]

Wow, it is so great to have you back that I don't care if you pee all over the place as long as the keyboard stays dry!

And for mortimer's mom who says that this doesn't happen if you adopt from China -- don't be too sure. After my second child in two years from China, I was so tired that I consistently missed the toilet when I sat down on it in the middle of the night. (Sorry if this is TMI!) Motherhood is not for sissies.

Congratulations on being almost at the magical 29 week mark! Can't wait to hear much more about MP and her amazing little sister who has already defied all odds.

[Thanksgivingmom]

Okay, so the peeing? Worse for me AFTER baby. My daughter was born in Nov 2006 - two weeks ago I was at the gym in a boot camp class. For cardio we were supposed to do these intricate jump rope jumps. Jumping? No big deal. WRONG. HUGE DEAL. I realized that one more jump was going to shoot pee right out of me. Left class, went to the bathroom, stood under the air dryer for your hands just in case, went back to class but did NOT jump rope anymore. NEVER AGAIN. Ugh.

Congrats on the wonders of pregnancy!

[Katie]

I was glancing through recommended Google Reader feeds just now and since it doesn't seem to know me all that well on a consistent basis, I wasn't overly hopeful that I would find something wonderful to add to my list. It took me four posts to feel like your writing style was familiar and by the time I glanced at the author line on the infertility post, I gasped with utter joy. "It's Karen!" I announced out loud, gleefully, and though I rarely commented on your old blog, it was one of the first I started to read several years ago and I so missed hearing how how you were. And MP sounds wonderful and you're pregnant and I had to congratulate you and let you know that I was absolutely thrilled to find you, have happily added you to my list and will have far more faith in Google Reader and its delightful suggestions. (Long sentence, but I'm so happy!) In case I start benevolently lurking again, I wanted to offer my sincerest congratulations and best wishes.

[becky]

ack. what a lovely post. it's just so wonderful to read these kind of happy posts from you, after so much waiting alternated with heartache.

after 10 years of TTC, i think my toddler has managed to make me laugh at least 10 times for every tear I shed over that time. and that's saying something.

congrats on every bit of your family. i couldn't be happier for you. xoxoxoxoxoxo

[Madam Bee]

Thanks for sharing this. I'm so happy for you. Praying one day I'll also be an incontinent pregnant lady. Ok, not really incontinent but just pregnant.