Whatever You Do, Don't Make Me Cry

After a verrrrrrrrry long 19 hour drive in a car with a thousand Christmas presents, a toddler, a hyper poodle with a set of pogo stick legs boring bruises into my thighs and uterus, and a pregnant woman (me) who had to pee constantly, we are finally at my parents' house down South where we'll be for the next week or so.

The amount of gifts sitting under the tree for MP is staggering. I have no idea how we are going to truck this home. How can a two year old possibly require this many presents? Especially after witnessing her occupying herself happily for an hour in the car with three napkins? (And yes, I am also to blame. Haba and Djeco toys are dangerous. I am a sucker for anything European, wooden, and painted.)

But MP is thrilled to be here and J is in his humping leg glory and we are thrilled to be here and it is all good good.

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Last week I met a lovely woman who is 19w with twins. We chatted, and she asked me how far along I was. I told her 14w. She gasped and told me I looked farther along than her. Errrrkkkkkkkk.

It was true. At least at that moment, in that lighting, in that shirt, I did. Strangely, my belly has become a moving creature--somedays I look positively giant, others tidy and small. At night I can feel things stretching and growing and there's no real way to explain it other than that it hurts. This is the first time in 12 years that I am allowing my husband to touch my stomach on a regular basis; rubbing it is the only thing that makes it feel a bit better, aside from slathering it in Mustela lotion. But it's so cool to look down and see it there, my round thing, somewhat tangible evidence that things are growing.

Oh, and I have a horrible chafe going on under my boobs. Possibly because.... I never take off my bra. When I take off my bra it's only to switch bras. (And here's another thing I didn't know about pregnancy: your boobs ITCH. Like crazy. All over. At any given point of the day there I am, both hands scratching away at my boobs like a gorilla. I am turning Random on like crazy, let me tell you.)

*************

Over the weekend I watched a Tivo'd episode of CSI. It happened to be sponsored by the ASPCA. I am a bit of a crybaby recently over commercials featuring, oh, mostly anyone going through something difficult, or starring an animal, or a baby, or a sweet phone call between two people. Anyway, sad animal faces stared out at me from the TV screen and a big fat tear trickled down my left cheek. And then a smaller tear trickled out of my right eye and traipsed down my right cheek. I got up to go to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and saw....

two bright red welts, one on each cheek, stretching from my eye to my chin. The one on the left was wider and bigger overall.

I couldn't figure out what they were. I poked and rubbed and examined and washed my face gently with cold water and the red, irritated, slightly raised skin stayed angry.

I went and showed Random.

"What the hell is on your face?" he asked.

"Oh," I said. "THOSE ARE MY TEAR TRACKS. It would appear that I am suddenly allergic to my own tears."

"Wow," he said. "Pregnancy is FUN!!!"

Then he came close, brows knitted, and peered at the area around my mouth.

"And why is your mouth all red?" he asked.

I don't know why my mouth was all red, but it was. Areas are blotching up everywhere. I am an extremely colorful pregnant lady: my veins are bright blue and everywhere (my father is convinced I have drawn blue marker down the side of my face); my skin is blotched red; my hair is brown at the roots and bright blonde everywhere else. It's fascinating, actually, to watch the changes my body is going through and to know how little control I have over any of them. It's kind of nice to be able to surrender this way. I'm like a science experiment right now; every day is a mystery as to what new symptom will crop up. (The nausea, by the way, has mostly given way to incredible hunger--which then resorts to nausea because I eat so much I, as my mom puts it, "crowd the baby out.")

I also have a solitary nomad hive that migrates to a different part of my right cheek every day. Sometimes it is smack in the middle, sometimes off to the right, sometimes down by my mouth. But I can count on good ole Mr. Hive to show up at some point during the day.

Oh. And Random's final words on my freakish tears?

"I'm going to write you the SWEETEST most ROMANTIC card EVER and make SURE you cry BUCKETS in front of EVERYONE, heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!!!!"

Whatta man.

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Here's the best part of this post: On January 4 I have an ultrasound to check my cervical length (I told you my doctors were monitoring me closely because I had a LEEP surgery. Apparently my cervix was mauled, which is why it bled every time I had sex and between periods for millions of years until my doctor cauterized it last year).

I didn't think much about it past the obvious "coolness, u/s, another peek at babe" factor, but then I realized that I will be 16w1d, and that a u/s at that point can show gender.

ACK! So I might know whether Rocky is a boy or a girl in less than two weeks. Y'all.

Comments

[Alex]

What a lovely post. You sound so delightfully happy about the odd quirks of pregnancy, and about everything else. GL getting those MP presents back in the car. I hope you will post lots about her reactions on Christmas day. Hell, I'd be interested to know more about the 3 napkins!

On pregnancy and size, I got huge early (IMO) but it didn't mean anything...I didn't gain more weight than I should have and my son was an entirely average sized baby.

[Crazyinternet psychic]

I got huge early too, then went on to have an 11 pound baby. Pushing out a basket ball is not fun. (PUSH!....KILL ME NOW!...PUSH!...GET IT OUT OF ME!...) Rocky is a boy. 8 pounds or so. Pregnancy will suck, you'll love every second of it.

[Laura]

It's so great to hear you talk about the aches and pains of pregnancy! It really puts a silly smile on my face! I'm so excited you get to find out soon.. I found out with my last baby at 16 weeks. I HAD to know! I was camped out on the doorstep of the elective u/s center!

I'm so excited for you!!!

[Karly]

Allergic to your own tears? Wow. Pregnancy IS fun.

Hope you have a merry Christmas!

[Amy]

Belly pics???!!!

[Carol]

That's exactly how I described my body to people when pregnant: like a huge science experiment. It was so cool.

I can't wait to find out if you're having a boy or a girl.

Maya is going to have the funnest time opening all those presents! I hope you take (and post!) pictures of her opening some of them.

I'm so very glad that your sweet girl brought so much happiness into your life. It couldn't happen to a better person.

[anonymous]

I don't think you did that for me, but thanks. Although now I find myself with nearly irrepresible cravings for pickled peppers.

[Kellie]

16 weeks! Wow.

I can say I wasn't allergic to my tears. I found pregnancy after so many years of trying to get that way, to be quite easy. I had to take lovenox daily becuase of a clotting disorder, I got gestational diabetes. I loved every minute of it.

Good luck! MP will be a great big sister!

[just another jenny]

I forgot all about the itchy boobies, oh what fun! Merry Christmas.

[Incognito]

Welcome to the South! Don't run the water! We're in a drought. Ain't dat jis great? I'm glad you arrived safely and ready for the big day tomorrow. I hope that you all have a wonderful day of giving!

[JuliaKB]

Oy! Sorry about all the uncomfortable and freaky parts.
But isn't it comforting to know your mate will ever pass up an opportunity to embarrass you? Some things, at least, are as they have always been, and as they should be. Right?
Good luck on the 4th. Let's hope the cervix behaves, and other interesting things are observed. :)

[Kris]

So, do you think that having your cervix cauterized played a part in you being able to get pregnant? I'm glad you aren't as sick anymore. Have a wonderful Christmas!

[mellie]

Totally ship all the presents back, with the exception, I suppose, of whatever MP can't stand the ride home without. You'll have a much roomier trip home, and if you are having one of your feeling bigger days, that will be so much the better! Have a wonderful holiday!

[mandy]

It is so fun to see you here!! I still can hardly believe it!

I remember my nips being ON FIRE. They burned, so I wore a bra to bed for a while.

Hope Christmas was dandy and hope MP's loot fits in the car!

[beverly]

So nice to see how sweet Random is at supporting you during this pregnancy. What a dream guy to want to make you cry and see the tear streaks as evidence? Oh he is going to get pay back when that baby gets here and keeps him up at nights. Hope LP enjoyed all the pressies and paper and boxes. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all. You can ship her gifts home if they won't fit in the car.

Beverly

[melissa]

I read voraciously but never commented before, and am so friggin' glad to see you back and hear your great and so-very-not-boring news. Congratulations!

Sometimes I get those tear tracks, too, and sometimes I don't. And I'm not pregnant. Who knows. Body is a wonderland, and all that.

[Amber]

I dont want you to find out!! hope s/he keeps his/her bits covered!! :)

[clearlydistracted]

What a treat this has been - I just found out that you've reestablished your blog (after clicking the old naked ovary link on tertia's blog out of boredome, thinking "oh what the heck"). What amazing news! Best wishes for the duration of the pregnancy (and congrats on MP - she sounds delightful!). I'll go back to lurking, just like the good old days.

[shirky]

I think it is a boy.

i had been wondering what became of you and other gone-but-not-forgotten bloggers.

[Andrea]

I think your readers need an update. Okay, I need an update. ;) How YOU doin'?

[Beth]

I am soooo excited to have found you back at blogging. I am lurker who followed you through the adoption process and am thrilled to now find you pregnant!
I also have a miracle baby I wasn't supposed to be able to have. He's an amazing gift to us -- added to our family with IVF twins.