An Infairytale of Sorts

I didn't think I'd ever write this post, for about forty million kajillion reasons. (Okay, three that I can think of off the top of my head.)

Reason #1: I decided, a year ago, to stop blogging because I needed to protect my family, and my website was being regularly snarked by some big meanheads. And I didn't feel like battling them, so I made the really really hard decision to quit. It was like cutting out a piece of my heart.

Reason #2: I needed to focus more on my daughter, and I was spending waaaaaaaayyyy too much time in blogworld. (Daughter: (Tugging on sleeve) Play! PLAY! Me: (Staring at screen) What's a synonym for poop? It needs to be poetic.)

Reason #3: Well, you'll see below. Probably the biggest reason I never expected to be writing this specific post.

(But let me say that I missed writing and missed being a part of bloggy goodness like crazy. My writing muscle is all stiff and dorky, but hopefully it'll limber up.)

Anyway, let's start at the beginning. I'm going to tell this weirdass story in chunks, working up until I get to the present (this is only chunk #1...the whole story is going to take me a while). And I'm going to be completely annoying and tell it in the third person, because it still seems so unreal.

BEFORE THE BEGINNING

Once upon a time there was a boy and a girl who wanted a family. So they started trying but things went immediately downhill in the form of strange bleeding. The girl went to a Reproductive Endicronologist because she had a lot of friends online who visited these amazing wizards of conception. That was only the second month of trying to make a baby. The Reproductive Endicronologist gave the girl many tests that revealed some problems, like luteal phase defects and other whatnots that the girl, surprisingly, has actually forgotten since then (it was a long time ago, anyway).  The girl tried out Clomid for a while, but that didn't do squat. So the girl made the decision to switch to a big, popular clinic. The doctors there (many Reproductive Endicronologists, all bedecked in white coats and bearing many Articles of Disctinction after their names) told the boy and the girl that they needed to do an IVF because of the whatnots wrong with them, but that their chances were excellent. So the girl and the boy did a few IUIs and then a few IVFs, some of the cancelled right before retrieval, some of them completed. And they switched clinics again, because the second clinic failed them and they wanted to be successful. And they underwent lots of tests, and then the girl decided to cheat on her new doctors and went back to Clinic #1 to have surgery done to examine what the hell was up. The surgery showed nothing. So more IVFs and IUIs were attempted but nothing worked, and the girl remembers the four years of medical intervention as being endless dawn trips to the city to get blood drawn, phone calls beginning with "I'm sorry," follicles that would not bloom, cysts that crowded her ovaries, and bloating. Oh, and tears--lots of them. And a bitter taste in her mouth that eventually filled her blood and changed her, literally, into someone she didn't recognize.

Eventually the girl and the boy were cancelled in the beginning of a cycle and told they would have to wait for levels to go down (an important level--FSH--was too high. This, the girl knew, was Bad News). This information came on their anniversary, so it was too much and they decided to adopt.

And then came paperwork and more paperwork and deadlines and trips to immigration offices and waiting and waiting and waiting.

THE FIRST BEGINNING

One day the waiting was over and there was a picture and information about a beautiful chubby cheeked girl. And a little over two years from the first paperwork sent, the girl and the boy adopted a 13 month old baby from China. And this baby girl (who we'll call MP) changed the couple's life and the skies opened up and let loose a whole galaxy of sunshine.

During this time when the girl would tell people she was adopting people would usually say "You'll probably get pregnant now." And at first the girl, when she said "no, I won't, and I don't want to anyway" was lying a little bit because really, she wanted to be pregnant as well.

And then after MP came the boy and the girl knew that getting pregnant was not important to them anymore, at all. And although the girl always wondered what had kept them from ever, ever, ever conceiving (after four years of medical intervention and two years of on-their-own) she embraced her new life as Mama and found the bitterness draining out of her as if she was a salted eggplant. (Foodies, you know what I mean.) And she threw baby showers and was genuinely happy for her pregnant friends and secretly thought too bad you won't ever adopt now, because it's so freaking awesome. And she was healed and stronger and in love with her daughter and her new family.

And for a year they lived happily, the three of them. And then one day after their year-long anniversary as a family, the girl began a new cycle, started her period, which had become nice and regular and was not plagued by strange bleeding anymore. And I guess this would then be called

THE SECOND BEGINNING

Two weeks later the family moved into a new house with a big backyard and an extra bedroom and a kickbutt family room with a woodburning stove. The house was so much bigger than the one they moved from that they had almost no furniture to fill it, but that didn't matter, because it allowed MP to race around wildly and somersault and jump ("bump!") and scatter her many, many toys (cooking/wooden food ones being her favorite because she is a Mini Chef in the Making).

And two weeks after that the family decided to go out to dinner and the girl realized she had still not started her period (it was a few days late). So she jokingly dug through a box and got out a First Response pregnancy test left over from, oh, years before when she should have bought stock in the stuff. She wanted to drink copious amounts of margarita and wanted assurance. Plus, it was kind of unlike her period to be late. Laughingly she peed on the stick and held it up to perform the Pee Stick Squint which she had perfected over the years ("do you see a line? I see a line. See if you angleitthisway youcansee--see it? No? Yeah. *Sigh* Me neither.") 

A line appeared immediately. And then another line. Two lines. Very clear. There were two dark lines. She grabbed the box, heart hammering, and compared: Two lines, two lines. Pregnant. WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA?

She ran upstairs, saying "Ohshitohshitohshitohshit" over and over, and thrust the pee stick into her husband's hands, who was saying "What? What?" and rushing to her. He looked at it. He took it to a window. He said, "Oh, wow."

That night, she googled "false positive pregnancy test" and saw that it could, indeed, happen. She had three positive pregnancy tests by then, but she recognized that none of that meant very much.

***********************************

So that's it for now. A positive test. A relatively huge hurdle in a universe-sized obstacle course filled with hurdles.

Next up: OB Appointment number one. What the hell. I learn that a Fetal Pole is not something you vault with.  

Comments

[Tertia]

Love you millions my gorgeous friend
xxxx

[Shelley]

OMG. Happy Thanksgiving indeed -- you've been missed, and I am so thrilled I happened to stop by Tertia's -- wow. I'm delighted for you.

[thalia]

sooo pleased to hear from you! Happy return to blogworld and don't keep us waiting too long for episode 2 (although I have a sneaking suspicion what happens next...)

[amy]

Wow!!! Congrats so far, and WELCOME THE HECK BACK!!!

[cath]

Karen! OMG! I poured myself another glass of wine when i saw t's post and died when i read it. holding my thumbs and my bits.

so goddamned lovely to hear from you xxx

[LEB]

wow ... cool & wow :)

[Photographer Lori]

So GLAD to see you back! I always wondered how you were doing!

And also...WOW! Keeping fingers crossed for you.

LORI

[knit_tgz (T.)]

Oh. My. God. Hugs! Hope you get GOOD news on your consultation...

[Colleen]

WOW! That's wonderful!!! Congratulations! I read you for, like, forever and was so happy for you when MP came home but also very sad to see you go. I wish you the very best and I'm so glad you're BACK!

[ama]

Welcome back & Congrats. You have been missed.

[Lynnette]

Oh, wow, is right! Good luck at the OB's...I'm so happy for you guys! Welcome back, too...are you staying?? Please stay. Please?

[Julia]

Fantastic news! Isn't it amazing to be on the winning end of slim statistics for once?!

I'm glad you've jumped back into the pool to share with us. :)

[Meg]

Oh Karen -

What a wonderful thing to read on Thanksgiving. I'm so happy for you, and will pray that this turns into more wonderful things.

It's wonderful to hear from you - and with such an amazing piece of news!

[ZB]

Welcome back from a long-time lurker on your old blog. I'm a 5-years-of-IF-treatments-turned-domestic-adoption Mama. We adopted our daughter just a few months before your daughter came home. We've missed you!!! And pretty please, stick around for a while!

[Lila]

Oh I LOVED your blog and had serious withdrawal symptoms after you went underground / which I totally understood!

I'm more than happy about your news. Oh dear Universe, send Karen even more luck, she deserves it all, and let her blog like she did before.

And can we pls have a little picture of the quilt? I'd love to see how it turned out (I sent the strawberry patch...).

Love to MP!!!!

[Krista]

Long time reader of your blog...SO glad to have your voice back! I too adopted ( domestically) and literally six weeks later was pregnant ( after 7 years of infertility hell). After my second daughter was born I used to say I gave birth to my first daughter emotionally and my second daughter physically!

Congratulations...enjoy the ride!

[AmericanFamily]

Congratulations, girly! I think MP would make a great big sister!

[Natt]

I wasnt around when you were originally blogging, but you have me hooked already with one post and I've bookmarked you alongside Tertia. Hoping this story has a great happy ending........

[Whichever (Sara)]

Karen! I´m so glad to be reading this that I could cry... no.. well.. yes... I´m actually kind of crying... I missed you and I´m so happy for you and I can´t wait to hear that you have a perfect life and that MP is the happiest child and everything that you´d like to share... and I´m feeling like a complete nuts because I don´t even "know" you... but anyway, Happy Thanksgiving! you´ve made my day! :)

[victoria]

See? All you had to do was adopt and then just relax and forget about TTC because all that stress . . . Oh, I can't even pretend to kid you. I'm thrilled. Congratulations!!! And WELCOME BACK TO BLOGLAND. Girl, we missed you.

[Simone]

So lovely to hear from you again! I hope you'll be sticking around. I'd love to hear all about Miss MP and what she's been up to.
And this little bit of news - well! WTF?? Needless to say, my fingers are crossed!

[SassyBelle]

You're BACK!??!?!?!

Oh my GOSH, I MISSED You SO MUCH. What a wonderful thanksgiving day surprise!!!!!!!!!

I am SO GLAD TO SEE YOU.

(as if you could not tell, what for all the CAPITALS and !!!!!)

xoxoxo,
SassyBelle

[k[betterboxing]]

welcome back :) we missed you

[Rebekah]

Very, very happy to see you back. Am so glad that you and your family are well, and that you've had such a blessed surprise. I hope you will stay around!

[Pam]

Congrats, Karen!!!!
I have missed your blog...a lot! I can't wait to hear more about your upcoming journey.

[Sami]

Welcome back - so very happy to see your words again and well holy moley on the second beginning... Happy Thanksgiving and this is a wonderful gift - tears of joy are being shed for all of you...

[Michelle]

Oh, how I've missed you!!! Great to see you blogging again. Sending you loads of well wishes on your double lines.

[Jennifer]

Wow. Nice to see you back. That's kinda like my adoption turned pregnancy story. Except mine included my husband saying "Oh, no, you're telling people, I don't want to hear I told you so".

Congratulations =) Can't wait to hear more.

[Anita]

Welcome back.....such great news although I can understand your trepidation. Cannot wait for an update.

[lindsayc]

How wonderful that you are all so well and happy. The draining of bitterness has amazing powers, who'd eat eggplant other wise? :-)

[lisa]

I've missed your writing and wondered from time to time how you guys were doing (in a completely non-stalker way, I promise). This news is wonderful and my fingers are crossed that the good news continues. Glad you're back!

[LisaB]

Oh my god.

Gobsmacked.

Thrilled for you but gobsmacked.

[Jamie]

Oh Karen, yay! Yay for you, D., and MP. I'm glad you're back.

[Kirsty]

Way to come back with a bang! That's a pretty big 'wow' right there. Congrats, I hope everything goes well.

[Antigone]

I am so happy to read your words again, and thrilled beyong belief at your news! I hope that MP is well and happy and I can't wait to read what happens next.

[Sheridan]

Oh My God.

I can't believe it.

But I am so pleased you're back. Really, really pleased.

Congratulations!

[Emma]

I read your old blog and although I fully understood and understand your reasons to leave the blogosphere I'm very happy to have you back. I wish you and your family all the best, congratulations on your new life, and your newest life!

[Isabel]

I can only say WOOHOO!!!!

XOXO

[Isabel]

I can only say WOOHOO!!!!

XOXO

[Simonne]

HHUUUUUGGGGSSSSS!!!

Oh, and of course, WHOOOOPPPPPEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have everything crossed for you. Everything. Except my eyes. I can't type with crossed eyes. But, everything else. Promise.

xo

[JennyK]

I used to lurk on your old blog and am so hapy to see you back again.

[Heather]

Joining the chorus of voices. I too was a very longtime reader and so sad to see you go, but so happy that you had MP. I am positively ecstatic for the three of you and wish you nothing but the best.

Thank you for jumping back in once again to share your story.

[Julie]

Wellllllity, wellity, well.

Wellllll.

Well!

WELLLLLLLL.

...!

I am on the tippiest edge of my browser window waiting for the next installment.

[Soper]

EEEEEEE!!!!!

[Sparky]

I just put my daughter to bed after experiencing the most wonderful Thanksgiving I have ever had and now I read this!!!!!! I've thought of you often this past year. Welcome back!

[karyn]

SO incredibly glad to see you back. SO incredibly glad to here that MP is living a wonderful, happy, love-filled life full of jumping and somersaulting. So shocked and excited for you about the recent news!

[clayjungle]

Yay!!! I loved your blog, so glad you're back, and can't wait for more MP updates AND am sooo excited about your NEWS!!!!

[Christy]

It's just wonderful to see you. I've been waiting for this ever since Tertia teased us so mercilessly mentioning your name.

SOOO happy to hear about MP somersaulting around making life so perfect. And a new blessing to boot, wow. Just wonderful.

[Martine]

Wow! Welcome back! Looking forward to MP and mini-MP updates!! Congratulations and all!
Martine

[Sarah]

Karen, another longtime fan of yours here, who is so happy to hear your update and thrilled you'll be writing again. So glad to hear you are all happy and MP is thriving and that you are PREGNANT!!! What a ride! Sarah